I went to the dentist today for a check up. I've been seeing my dentist for about 12 years - such a kind gentle man who restored my confidence in going for regular checkups. I arrived and was told he had left to care for his wife and I would be seeing his replacement. My heart sank, my stomach started churning and the old fears set back in. As it turned out it was ok, the same but different, not quite so personal as before but it certainly wasn't the horrific experience I had suddenly been envisaging in my mind as I sat in the waiting room.
It made me think about how I'd never contemplated a time when my regular dentist wouldn't be there for me, (I REALLY don't like going to the dentist!), he just always would which is of course ridiculous as he is probably 10 years older than me and hopefully would retire long before I stop going.
We get used to the things in life that keep us within our comfort zone and when they're not there it can throw us off kilter and brings out new fears and old. But just because something is a bit different it doesn't mean that its not as good, its just different and might just take a bit of getting used to.
When I got married I thought B would be around for ever, but he wasn't. And now my life is different - not the life I ordered just a different model! And who can say if it is a better or worse life? Its just different - I've travelled to places, met people, done things that I probably wouldn't have done with B, and I am sure there are many things I would have done if he had been still been well and alive today that I won't now do - but I don't know what most of them are so I can't miss them! The point is that widowhood sends you off down an entirely different route than the one you had planned. And you can choose whether to embrace that new life once you re-emerge from the dark numbness or spend the rest of your life hankering for what once was and can never be again.
Choose to embrace...
Thanks for reading